Sunday, 22 February 2015

I'm just Sayin

You see many a time I get told I can't do many things that because of the obvious thing I shouldn't really do many things you shouldn't explore that thing because it could be dangerous or don't try that you have to think of the consequences but maybe just once I refuse to think because I spend so much time in thought that I practically live in it,   so much time in thought that it feels as though I'm in a cage in my own self it's suffocating me

It angers me so much that you feel you can dictate to me what I can do might I remind you this is my life you are most definitely not wearing the shoes. I have a physical difficientcy I never disputed that not once did I argue on that but life is all about risks, risks I am willing to take

I'm just saying!
For goodness sake!
I've lived this for many years plenty more to come this ain't really a game anymore there's really nowhere else for me to run

Can I even run? let alone walk to even go anywhere? if I've dealt with this like it's a single fragment of hair that fell out of place, slight exaggeration, agreed but sometimes I have to force myself to feel like I don't care because if I don't it's what if this goes wrong what if that happens!

Its got to a dangerous point really a point so bad I felt the need to ask what does it feel like  to walk.  The question seems simple enough but I felt bad  for making them feel bad when really and truly they should feel bad for taking something so small for granted because you don't  really understand the severity of the question till you are asked so I'm asking you

What does it feel like to walk? To put one foot before another to feel the pavement beneath the soles of your shoes to have full power over the balance of your body to look in the mirror and see your full height to even know your height

What does it feel like to be you? I get that question a lot too it's not that much of a shock. Smart mouth me says it's fab to be me  I wouldn't change it for the world but the me that's buried under this lack of self confidence the me of confusion the me of desperation the me of frustration doesn't really know because at times I feel like this third entity who could burst out as a ray of sunshine then I notice it's a part of me but is it me?

I ask this because I envision my first date, standing, my wedding day standing, meeting my in laws, standing. Standing seems like the next best thing, but given being glued to a chair the whole time who wouldn't think that

So I am no longer saying in fact I'm now telling you I may make it seem like a bed of roses the same way I regard walking when I see you, but know I got this. I got this. not you so even though I'm technically wheeling through it trust that I don't know what I'm doing but I'm having fun investigating the stunts I can  pull these shoes are far too big for you God put me here  and all  I want you to do is watch me pull through

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