Musical Bliss

I can't seem to stop writing 
Stop wishing 
Stop envision 
It's no longer what it could be 
rather what it is 
these unnecessary waves that come crashing 
taking anything in its stride 
I no longer wish 
Hope 
Or believe 
I just live 
live to be wiped away 
To be washed away 
I kinda wish I was water 
Just to push in and out 
Yet when I feel like it 
I can cause havoc 
Rid people of their homes 
Drown certain people 
Opps...I don't mean to be so negative 

Speaking of negative 
I remember people saying 
Surround yourself with positivity 
for they breed positivity too 
So what happens when you're the negative stigma 
Not that you mean too 
You really want to be the bright light you used to be 
But you can't seem to find it 
It's run away from you 

Much like on a sunny day 
With a loved one 
It's gleaming with heat 
Her hair cascades softly 
You sprint for her 
There's no way you're losing her 
Firm rough finger 
grip her shapely waist 
flinging her over your shoulder 
Your spirit 
all a hundred degrees celsius of it burns right through you 
Meshing with a hundred degrees celsius of hers 
Creating this burning fire 
And you look at her like 
Damn I'm the luckiest man in the world 

See? So I know what means to be happy 
Or somewhat 
Before my 100 became 50 
50 to 30 
 and just rapidly declined since then 
Now it's just a fight to get it back 
I like viewing it like that 
Means I will eventually bounce back 

But everyone seems to beat you back down 
nth number of lashes of the torturous whip 
causing life long scars 
Some scars which heal 
others which don't 
So for now I'm just gonna sit on the floor 
drown in my tears a little more
build a thick layer 
remove myself from it all 
But not run from it all 
Because for once 
I don't know what to do 
If I could get up I would 
But right now I'm signing out 

Yes I'm being that negative soul 
Can't handle it 
I never asked you too
Turn your back on me if need be 
Just know I'll never pull you down with me 
I'm down here and don't want anyone here with me 
That's saying something 
I'll continuously push you forward 
Even I fall behind 
because I may not have faith in me 
But my faith definitely lives in everyone around me 
And that will always be my single most deadly 
Fatality