Monday, 20 April 2015

Steps In At A Strange Time

This would possibly be my suicide album 
I type that in fear though 
Fear of what I've become 
The fear of what's to come 
Because it was a year ago I sought that there was a problem      
Before then I didn't want to pay attention 
See the underlying problem 
For a person with a black soul may as well be a lost soul
The only colour I see is red
The red of my blood 
because when I see inside and it trickles 
it trickles like my tears 
my tears that are beyond the earth 
when you lose yourself 
bow down to the perception 
the perception of how you see me 
the perception of what makes you happy rather than what fills me 
it is beyond me 
I'm spinning in a lifeless circle 
I stretch my arms out wide 
Open myself to you 
Give you all 

Give in to the twitches of my thigh 
the flex of muscle 
don't hold it gently 
in fact pull it violently 
pull it as if  to snap it 
it's broken yeah? 
what happens when it's broken?
honestly you have two options 
fix it or leave it 
although once it's been broken you can no longer fix it 
but a part of you never wants to leave it because 
you feel somewhat responsible for it 

I feel like a black ballerina at night 
it's a constant vision
spinning in a nasty circle 
hands on my 
head in the nightly forest 
the grass is the greenest of green 
but I'm holding back a curdling scream 
A scream so loud 
A scream of life 
Oh for fuck sake 
Don't fucking tell me it will be alright 
You have no idea what I dream at night 
The battle I have with life 
Yet I have to pretend it's alright 
The chemical reaction of anger is building inside 
I can't let it out 
There's no shoulder to cry on 
my fingers are tingling 
There's no end to this 
not today, tomorrow, nothing can really make it right 
take time to soak this all in   
Not enough words can explain this 
Yet my heart won't stop 
My fingers won't stop 

There's just so much to release 
by the way did I tell you I want to scream tonight 
this isn't me even trying to be deep for a couple retweets 
This is my daily occurrence with life 
my muscles just feel so tight 
there's no room to stretch tonight 
I think I said that before 
but hear me out tonight 

I spill this all out to you tonight because although there's no real release in typing 
but I zip my lips together because when this released then I know it's a part of the black that can be left 
So it's gone from Good Morning Beautiful
To no longer knowing what it feels to be beautiful 
what it feels to be womanly 
So if you got to this point I applause you 
Oh how I want to punch the fucking wall 
I do apologise 
There is just so much anger inside 

Why doesn't someone understand 
the pain that can bleed in one human 
the underlying passion that could grow within 

my oh my 
I release the most sarcastic laugh 
many a time I imagine throwing a glass at a wall 
I just have pent up anger and I want it out 
sweat is beading on my skin 
I'm finally being set free 


My head tangles with the glass screen 
whip lash grips my skin 
might as well break my neck then 
At least I know what pain feels like 
And in somewhat writing all this 
A halo of air has formed above me 
I feel the breeze settling over me 
Till another night where anger presents itself within 
Hopefully I make it to you before it's too late 
Hopefully you become my friend instead of causing me a fright 
for now I bid you a sickly goodnight 

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