Wednesday, 26 March 2014

The Highs and Lows

So the title says it all. This week (even though it's only Wednesday) has been a bit of a crazy period filled with tears and the occasional moments of laughter, but I'll just let the poem do the talking. Just felt like doing a little intro for you guys 

Can anybody hear me?
Am I going insane
It seems like the one time I try and be happy the devil steps in the way
You say don't let the devil get in the way
But it's easier said than done
I cry myself to sleep most nights
Not necessarily because I pray for something different
Sometimes just to let everything out
You claim you understand, but really all you can do is try
Your not in my position so I don't expect you to understand
Things will get better they say
So why am I pulling my hair
Frustrated, Annoyed
I understand not to blame myself
I can't don't you understand
I never blame myself
It's a fact of life I gotta continue
I can't really say much
Without coming across ungrateful
Rushin to you for support
And you turn me away
Sayin everythin will be okay
Don't feed me what I want to hear
What I already know
Sometimes just shut the fuck up and listen
Don't say anything, give me advice, give me harsh reality
Sometimes all I want is your ears

Open your ears close your mouth
Close your eyes imagine me saying this to you
All you're feeding me is bullshit
God dey for sky
I'm here for you
Stop pitying yourself
Making yourself feel bad
How does it sound to you
Many do it without realising

Do the opposite sometimes
Although I may get angry
Ignore what I'm saying
Make an irrelevant point
Inappropriate comment
Just to make it stop
Make it stop
Take it away

I wanna feel you
Touch you
Caress you
But you're nowhere near
You have so much power you don't even realise it
Or utilize it.
You make me happy and can still drive me insane
Dig the biggest hole in my heart
Stab me so softly
Make me feel all type a ways

The day will come
One day I hope
When all the above comes true and I get to feel you
Till then messages will do
Silent tears will continue
Forced laughter
Genuine cackles
Hope for major
Minor Success
Maybe get published

Such is life
I don't like to say it
But it is what it is
Things won't get better
There  is no light at the end of the tunnel
The devil does want me
I'm a dysfunctional angel
Without hope
Without direction
But I thank him for my ability of expression

I can't say I wanna fight no more
Honestly I don't
Take the battle for me
I'm tired

They bring some weird light
I become so comfortable
I can see the light
I'm drawing towards
My eyes are closin
Breathing slowing
Yet I don't feel I'm dying  

Baby Wait
Hold on
But I'm tired of holding
You can't leave me
Tears flow wetting, pealing my pale face
Open your eyes woman
Screaming, shouting, Wailing
But I need to go
No you stay
He cradles you
It's not your time baby
Go back
They need you
Don't question me
They. Need. You
They won't say it out loud
But they do
He needs you
Just as much as you need him

Don't turn back now
Put that blade down
Let the rope go
Sometimes say yes instead of no
Don't question life
Needless to say it has unanswered questions
Do your bit
think of it like a skit
It's really, really short
Shorter than you imagine
So smile and conquer the world
Things might not get better

But believe me
Put a bullet to your head
Slicing yourself
Popping pills
Running away
Hanging yourself
Some form of life destruction
I've more than likely felt it
Or even wanted to do it

Harming another?
Common thing for me
To punch, kick or slap them
Scream? Bitch? Strangle?
I felt that way too

But there are people or things you love isn't there?
You say no, but there is!
Your mum, best friend, wife, girlfriend
Toy, Diary, music artist even down to a scene in a film
That is the thing that needs you!
Wants to satisfy you
Make you feel better
So stay put
It's crying out for you
Hold on to it
To me
This Post
I'm not preaching to you
Some of you will think
Fuck it she doesn't get it I still wanna go
Go. If it's your time then what can I say
But to someone else on the brink
Not quite there
I hope this helps you

Think of that buzz you get
Something that makes you smile
because that's what makes it all worth while
And when you spread your word
Like I am to you
You can shout me out
And say that girl's poem
Blessing's poem Pointed me in the right direction

I'd rather you didn't do that though
The moment will be about you not me
I take zero credit your all that matters
Keep your head up
Your shine will come
So smile
It's all a matter of time
Before it becomes worth while

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